2 Months ~ 61 Days

I can hardly believe that is has been 2 months since that fateful day in March. 2 months since that precious part of my body was taken out, never to be put back in. 2 months full of complications that I never expected or anticipated. It has been 2 months full of challenges and triumphs, tears and joys, highs and lows. It has been 2 months that I will not forget. . .

Physically. . .
On the exterior, all of the incisions have healed. I do still get some residual swelling in the afternoon, especially if I have done too much.
On the inside, there is still a lot that needs to heal. The motto 'slow and steady wins the race' is what my body is going by! I never realized just how involved a hysterectomy truly is. In absolutely no way can I compare it to any of my 3 emergency c-sections. Yes they involve the same organ, but that is it. From a surgical standpoint, I am right on track, so much that my surgeon has said that I can be done with him unless there is an issue that requires his assistance! That leaves me with my Primary, Urologist, and Pain Doc. The bladder issues are resolving. I am weaning off of the smooth muscle relaxer and so far, so good! My body is adjusting well! The illioinguinal neurolgia issue is NO fun. The nerve block has worn off leaving me in more pain than I was prior. . . UGH! So, I return next Tuesday for another nerve block. . .

Emotionally. . .
I am still a mess, although it has calmed down somewhat. My doc thinks that my remaining ovary is adjusting to making enough hormones. He also added that, I need to mourn. A big part of me left. . . Although a uterus does not define you as a woman or a mother, it is a part of you. Without it, you lose the gift of your fertility and I can not think of any female that did not dream of being a mother one day. . . Do not get me wrong, I am absolutely beyond grateful for the incredible gift that I have been given with my 3. I am surrounded by people that have lost babies at all stages of pregnancy, from the the first few weeks all the way to 30+ weeks. People that can not get pregnant. People with great struggles with this incredible gift. So in absolutely no way am I ungrateful, I am just mourning. I am just being human. . .

So, all in all, this past 2 months have not been what I expected. Had you told me 2 months ago what would happen in the 61 days that followed, I would not have believed you. . . From the week long hospital stay to the blood transfusion to the urologist to the nerve blocks. . . Part of me wants to go back and undo all of it, to have my womb back along with everything it brought with it. But then a bigger part of me want to see the WHY behind all of this. . .