Saturday, May 28

Support System. . . (VENT)

I wrote a post a while back about how I felt my support system that had been surrounding me was crumbling. It took time, but it was rebuilt, although not nearly as strong. I am not sure what is happening, but once again, my extended support system, is falling apart. Those that would listen as I cried are not there. Those that knew how hard this is emotionally and physically are not there anymore. As a result, I am left wondering what I did wrong. What happened that made them leave me. What was it that made them silently turn their backs. I know that this journey is hard and long, and I am sure that makes those that were once so close not want to wait around anymore, but I need them and I am not sure how to make them see this anymore. This short race has turned into a marathon, but I still need encouragement to make it to the finish line. .

Then there are those that know how to hurt me to the core. Those that make comments that make me want to curl into the fetal position and sob. Those that have absolutely no idea how badly I need reassurance that things will go back to the way they were and that this will not be my new normal, my families new normal. . .

Spiritually, I am feeling much better. I know that the why behind this will come around. I know that there is a reason for this. Even in the middle of the night when the pain awakens me from a dead sleep and brings me to tears from the severity, I can feel HIM holding me and whispering that I will get through this. In my moments of great need, when all is quiet and still, HE is there. That has done me great good. Every night as my husband, kiddos, and I settle for our family rosary, the children's special intention is for mommy's tummy. That mommy will not need another operation. Then when bedtime arrives, they not only give me hugs and kisses, but they will kiss my belly boo-boo too!

Just like before, I know that this support system will be rebuilt. I know that it is not a matter of if, rather when. With time, the hurt will fade. With time all of this will be but a distant memory. . .

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