**Please understand, this is not taking anything for granted, I am just having emotions. I am truly loving every minute that I have with my husband and children but I am human and as a result I have emotions that are real and I choose to express them.**
It seems like everywhere I go, there is a pregnant mama. Every time I turn around, there is a happy family. Enjoying every moment of life. They appear to be satisfied with what they have. Satisfied with what God has given them. . .
I on the other hand, can not find that 'satisfaction.' I have tried. I have looked deep within. I am begging God to allow me the peace that this is my family. The comfort that this was and has always been HIS plan for me. I want so desperately to understand why I am only blessed with 3 children. Why HE has trusted me with this path. The why behind it all. . .
I want HIS time to be MY time. I want HIS will to be MY will. But it feels like we are on polar opposites right now. He says wait while I am a baby throwing a tantrum because I want it now, now, now. . .
How do I connect the dots? How do I make my heart and head understand that His timing is not my timing? How do I just let go of it all and be at peace with everything? How do I do any of this? How do I move past this point?
I have turned to prayer and my faith. I have spoken with many. I have done so much to try and figure this out, but I am at a total loss. . . Is it exacerbated by the pain I am in and all of the frustrations that accompany that? Or maybe my hormones trying to figure this out? Who knows. . . The 1 thing that I do know is that I am not alone in this. Even when I am at my weakest point, there will be a little reminder that HE is there. HE is guiding me through this. HE is holding my hand every step of the way. . .
I on the other hand, can not find that 'satisfaction.' I have tried. I have looked deep within. I am begging God to allow me the peace that this is my family. The comfort that this was and has always been HIS plan for me. I want so desperately to understand why I am only blessed with 3 children. Why HE has trusted me with this path. The why behind it all. . .
I want HIS time to be MY time. I want HIS will to be MY will. But it feels like we are on polar opposites right now. He says wait while I am a baby throwing a tantrum because I want it now, now, now. . .
How do I connect the dots? How do I make my heart and head understand that His timing is not my timing? How do I just let go of it all and be at peace with everything? How do I do any of this? How do I move past this point?
I have turned to prayer and my faith. I have spoken with many. I have done so much to try and figure this out, but I am at a total loss. . . Is it exacerbated by the pain I am in and all of the frustrations that accompany that? Or maybe my hormones trying to figure this out? Who knows. . . The 1 thing that I do know is that I am not alone in this. Even when I am at my weakest point, there will be a little reminder that HE is there. HE is guiding me through this. HE is holding my hand every step of the way. . .
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