Monday, March 14

1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Backwards

Yesterday I had an incredible day. We went for a *little* outing. I sat in the backyard while the children played. I did a few easy jobs around the house. I felt great.

Today. . . Well, today, not so great. I am having a great deal of pain, incisional and internal pain, and an incredible amount of exhaustion. Also, I am struggling emotionally. . .

I want so badly to be over this hump. To be back to the wife, mother, sister, daughter that I know I can be. I had hopes of waking up from the surgery and being fine. Not hurting. Not being tired. Not struggling in any way. And, while my head knew that was not a reality, my heart so desired it to be different. I want to move on. To be able to put the fact that I now have a hollow space where my womb once was, behind me. I want to be done with it. . .

But, my heart needs to grieve. To mourn the loss that is within. To accept the reality that is present.

I have good days. I have bad days. Today is a bad day. . .

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