Day # 48 Progress Report

It is hard to believe that it has been 48 days since my hysterectomy. 48 days since a precious part of me was removed. . .

Emotionally, these past 48 days have not been as hard as I thought. There are days where I cry over what is gone. What I will never experience again. What I wish was still a part of me. However, those days are not as often as I thought they might be. Being around women who are expecting is not difficult like I had imagined. But, being around newborns is and that is not something I was prepared for. Honestly, my biggest emotional struggle since the surgery is dealing with the complications and how they effect my spouse, children, extended family, and those close to me. I feel guilty, although I never caused any of the complications. Emotionally, I am struggling greatly with all that has not gone the way we had hoped. . .

Spiritually, these past 48 days have been eye opening. He has shown me over and over that He is in control. That this is His plan and not mine. That this recovery will take place how He wants it and not the way I do. I have found myself clinging to my faith. Clinging to the Rosary and other powerful prayers. I have also been human and have found myself, at times, questioning His will. Wondering "Why Me?" Trying to figure out why He wants me to travel this journey. What He wants of me. What He is teaching me. I am trying to stay open to this and follow His lead with wherever this may lead. . .

Physically, these past 48 days have been difficult. Very difficult. I was not expecting any complications or setbacks. When the hospital stay kept getting longer and longer, I accepted that this would be the only complications. When I came home, things were great. I hurt and was nauseated all the time, but I had just had a hysterectomy. Then as the days passed and the pain and nausea remained, I began to become more flustered. Then at week 3 post-op, I became unable to urinate. After 5 days with a foley catheter, I was finally able to potty on my own! After getting past this bump in the road, we traveled to MS, a trip that I would not have missed for any reason. This set me back in the recovery many days, maybe even a week. I was hurting a great deal. Shortly after we returned home, things went from bad to worse. I was again having trouble urinating, so I had to take more meds again. Also, my pain reached the unbearable level. Whenever I moved, it felt as if something in my lower abdomen was ripping. The pain is horrible. Thankfully, we have a plan in place to tackle this . .

So, here we are at day #48 post-op and I have so many emotions. I have learned so much about myself during this time. I have learned about the generosity of others. I have learned about true friends. I have learned just how incredible the love and support that my husband shows towards me is. I have learned how wonderful my children can be, especially when they pray for mommy's tummy to feel better. Looking back, I would have loved for this surgery to have been simple and easy, but I would not change a thing about it. Without the trials and tribulations that this surgery has provided, I would not have learned all of the lessons that I have. . .