Tuesday, April 26

Are you pregnant?

I was asked this question for the first time today. I was able to laugh it off with the tech that asked me while taking my vitals and tell her no I just had a hysterectomy, but inside I was crying. She felt bad, so I did my best to hide my feelings. . . which I have gotten very good with around those that do not know me well. . . If you know me, you know when I am lying!

Although this was the first, I am sure that it will not be the last. At least when I had my uterus, I was able to say no or I hope not, but inside I knew that if medicine improved and could make pregnancy safe for me and our child, that we would have another. . . But now, now I do not even have that opportunity. . .

Tonight, my emotions are raw. I am so grateful for all of my children. I was given an opportunity that some may never have, but what I had imagined and always dreamed, will never be. I thought my heart had accepted this, but today proved that is not the case.

I was given a copy of the MRI pictures from last week and although I have, for the most part, no idea what I am looking at, I know what is not there. I never thought that God would only bless me with 3 children. I never thought that at 28, I would have a hysterectomy.

I must come up with a classy way to answer this question that will not break my heart or cause me such distress as I am not sure that I can handle another day like today. . .

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