Tears of. . .

…you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit. ~ Lemony Snicket

I can now say that I have had a good, long, well worth every second cry. It felt good to shed those tears. To attempt to rid myself of all of the many emotions and focus on the positive ~ Good health. Little, or even better, NO pain. Being able to be the wife and mother that I know I can be. And then for the first time, I became excited about the surgery. All of the fear left momentarily and was replaced by a joy and anticipation much like that same feeling you have prior to meeting your brand new baby. Words could not describe it. Then, as fast as the wonderful feelings came, they were gone and replaced by a mourning. A mourning for what I always thought I would have and will now never have. A mourning for how my plans are not His plans. How I do not understand His will for me at this point. . .

And then I was reminded by something my mother always said: If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans!

WOW! How true is that. I have had plans laid out. And now it seems like all of that is falling to pieces. And as hard as it is to say, that is okay. He has all of this in His master plan and I must accept and not question that. Things will happen in the way He wanted. I will be able to recover fully and rest appropriately. My house will be clean. We will eat. My children will be cared for. Not the way I wanted or anticipated, but the way that He knows.

And then, in the midst of my tears, my incredible husband walked in the door with these. . . Daisies, sunflowers, tulips. . . PERFECT