Saturday, February 12

Tears of Joy :-)

For many nights now, I have dreamt of some change in my life. Whether it was the addition of a new child or a move to a new house or a new job. Something changed. At first I was quite puzzled as my dreams really never follow a pattern night after night. And then it hit me, I am preparing for a big change. A forever change. A change that will prevent me from ever carrying another life within. A change that will take part of the body God gave me away. A change that was always for "other people."

Last night, I awoke from my sleep crying. A good cry. A peaceful cry. The kind of cry you have when something you have worried about turns out to be okay. After the tears ended, my heart felt what my head knew ~ That everything would be fine. I would still be a woman. I would still be a wife, mother, sister, daughter, aunt. I would still be me.

Now, I pray that my heart does not lose sight of that in the next 19 days. That I will still have the same peace and knowledge then as I do now. That the fear and anxiety do not return, rather my confidence and trust remain.

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