I am trying SO hard to keep this in mind. To keep both feet in the present. To not think of the what if's of prior days. . . What if I had had the endo surgery earlier, could this have been avoided. What if I had spoken to my doctor before things were where they are. What if. . . . And then, my mind wanders to after surgery. What if this surgery goes like all of the others and I have complications and I end up in the hospital for a longer period of time. Or if I have to use home health again. What if they get into my abdomen and realize that things are not what they expected. What if things go wrong, really wrong. What if. . .
I can make it most of the day without thinking too much, but then when the kiddos are in bed or the house is quiet, these thoughts creep in my head. No matter how hard I try, I just can not shake them. I am trying to remain positive and focus on the good, but when you have had many negative outcomes, that is quite hard. . .
I have found that I am turning to prayer more often then not. Prayer has always sustained me, but I am realizing again, just how powerful it is. How calming it is. How wonderful it is. I have found this little prayer which I say daily. . .
FORTIFY me with the grace of Your Holy Spirit and give Your peace to my soul that I may be free from all needless anxiety, solicitude and worry. Help me to desire always that which is pleasing and acceptable to You so that Your will may be my will.
I just read all of your blog. I'm so sorry that you are having to struggle with health issues and losing your uterus. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I pray that the surgery and recovery will be smooth. We were not able to conceive for over a year until our Spiritual Father prayed for us. I was blessed with a healthy pregnancy and an healthy baby, but I know what it is like to struggle with infertility. We don't know what people are struggling with sometime.
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