Sts. Cosmas and Damian, pray for me.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." ~ Frank Herbert

Fear has a tight grip on me right now. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the what ifs. Fear of it all. Along with that fear is an anxiety like I have never experienced. It is the I can not eat, can not sleep, can hardly function kind of anxiety. . . I know one thing for sure and that it is all relating to the surgery. Will I still be a woman and feel like a woman afterwards? How will I cope with the fact that bearing children will be something I will never do again? So many questions that I just do not know the answer too. . .

I am turning to friends who have been there. I am also turning to prayer. Sts. Cosmas and Damian were skilled doctors who treated their patients for free. They are the patron saints of surgeons. . . We will add a little prayer to them in our nightly rosary. . .

While I know the root of my fear and anxiety, it is still hard. Hard to accept and deal with. Hard to understand why God has put this in my path. While I am trying to not question His will for me, I am. . . I am trying to accept this and find the positive in it and stop asking why me? . . .

Before long, the waiting will be over and I will be left wondering WHY I was so concerned. . .