Mommy Guilt

I have a serious case of this lately. I know that all mommies (and daddies) go through this and that, like all things, this too shall pass, but right now, GEEZ!

A lot of it has to do with my surgery and the subsequent nerve issue which inhibits so much. (I do not think that I have ever fully described the illioinguinal neuralgia, so here is a brief description: it is a nerve that runs through your pelvis and into your groin. When it is irritated/inflamed/trapped it hurts. Mine feels like deep, sharp, intense pains running from my hip bone into my groin.) Somedays, I can hardly walk. . . I have no idea how Monday happened! I want so badly to be able to walk around the block with my kiddos, ride bikes, play ball, do things that we did just 5 months ago. . . Hopefully this Monday's appointment will hold some answers.

Another area of of mommy guilt is the stress. There is just so much going on and so much that I feel is going wrong and I want it to go right! There are not enough me's to get everything done and take care of everyone's needs. . . I am still leaning heavily on Sts. Cosmos and Damian and St. Gianna, and not just for me, but for all struggling right now.

I am always hard on myself. . . my husband will completely agree with this! I want to be a better mommy. A mommy that does not get frustrated. A mommy that keeps her cool regardless of the situation. I want to be the best mommy that I can be for my children all of the time and not just some of the time. . .

One area that has improved greatly since the surgery is appreciating every moment with my kiddos. I have never been able to fully appreciate this stage of their development because I always had a nursing, needy newborn to tend to in addition to their needs. . . and when it came down to it, the baby of the day always won! So, now, I do not have a baby. I do not have any excuse. I do not 'work.' I have no reason not to enjoy every moment, good or bad, and thank God for the memories that we are making.

Slowly, I am learning how to be a better mommy. Learning how to keep my cool regardless. Learning how to just let things go. . .But it does not help with this current bout of mommy guilt. . .