I Wonder. . .

. . . when the day will come when I stop counting everyday, every week, every month since my surgery. It is the first think on my mind when I wake up, and the last thing before I fall asleep. There are minutes, sometimes even hours, when the reality is not staring me in the face, but then there are times where no matter what I do, I can not get it out. . .

On Monday, I was having one of those days. I needed to forget. I tried to forget. I wanted to forget. But I could not. The more I wanted to forget, the more I was remembering. Finally, I laced up my running shoes and took the kiddos to a nearby track and went for it. It was incredible. The wind in my face. The sun on my back. The adrenaline. The rush. Then when I could not run any more, I started to remember again. I started to cry and wish that I could forget and that is when I saw the bleachers. Oh, did it feel good to run them and when I could no longer run them, the only thing I could think about was how much I hurt! My legs ached and my belly hurt. But I succeeded. I forgot for most of the day, but mostly because I was hurting so greatly the rest of the day. . . but I asked for it!

I want more days like that, but I do not want to have to hurt to achieve them. I want to move on. I want to keep going. I can not tell you off the top of my head how many days it has been, but I can tell you the months (5) and weeks (22 tomorrow). I am making progress. Once again the motto, slow and steady wins the race. . .