Friday, May 6
4 Generations of Women
This picture was taken last year at my older sister's wedding. It was the first time for my mom to be present with her mom, daughter, and grand-daughter. We duplicated it this year at my little sister's wedding, but our personal camera's picture came out a bit blurry. . .
Are they ALL yours?!?!
I was out with my 3 the other day when I was asked if they were ALL mine (emphasis on the ALL!). . . I quickly turned around to see if this 70+ year old gentleman was talking to me and sure enough he was. I quickly gave him the response that my mother always used: "They are. Aren't I blessed?" He proceeded to tell me that he was one of 11 and that he never sees families with more than 1, maybe 2 children.
This little comment was the highlight of my week. I am sure that I had quite a cheesy grin on my face as I walked away!
This little comment was the highlight of my week. I am sure that I had quite a cheesy grin on my face as I walked away!
Tuesday, May 3
2 Months ~ 61 Days
I can hardly believe that is has been 2 months since that fateful day in March. 2 months since that precious part of my body was taken out, never to be put back in. 2 months full of complications that I never expected or anticipated. It has been 2 months full of challenges and triumphs, tears and joys, highs and lows. It has been 2 months that I will not forget. . .
Physically. . .
On the exterior, all of the incisions have healed. I do still get some residual swelling in the afternoon, especially if I have done too much.
On the inside, there is still a lot that needs to heal. The motto 'slow and steady wins the race' is what my body is going by! I never realized just how involved a hysterectomy truly is. In absolutely no way can I compare it to any of my 3 emergency c-sections. Yes they involve the same organ, but that is it. From a surgical standpoint, I am right on track, so much that my surgeon has said that I can be done with him unless there is an issue that requires his assistance! That leaves me with my Primary, Urologist, and Pain Doc. The bladder issues are resolving. I am weaning off of the smooth muscle relaxer and so far, so good! My body is adjusting well! The illioinguinal neurolgia issue is NO fun. The nerve block has worn off leaving me in more pain than I was prior. . . UGH! So, I return next Tuesday for another nerve block. . .
Emotionally. . .
I am still a mess, although it has calmed down somewhat. My doc thinks that my remaining ovary is adjusting to making enough hormones. He also added that, I need to mourn. A big part of me left. . . Although a uterus does not define you as a woman or a mother, it is a part of you. Without it, you lose the gift of your fertility and I can not think of any female that did not dream of being a mother one day. . . Do not get me wrong, I am absolutely beyond grateful for the incredible gift that I have been given with my 3. I am surrounded by people that have lost babies at all stages of pregnancy, from the the first few weeks all the way to 30+ weeks. People that can not get pregnant. People with great struggles with this incredible gift. So in absolutely no way am I ungrateful, I am just mourning. I am just being human. . .
So, all in all, this past 2 months have not been what I expected. Had you told me 2 months ago what would happen in the 61 days that followed, I would not have believed you. . . From the week long hospital stay to the blood transfusion to the urologist to the nerve blocks. . . Part of me wants to go back and undo all of it, to have my womb back along with everything it brought with it. But then a bigger part of me want to see the WHY behind all of this. . .
Physically. . .
On the exterior, all of the incisions have healed. I do still get some residual swelling in the afternoon, especially if I have done too much.
On the inside, there is still a lot that needs to heal. The motto 'slow and steady wins the race' is what my body is going by! I never realized just how involved a hysterectomy truly is. In absolutely no way can I compare it to any of my 3 emergency c-sections. Yes they involve the same organ, but that is it. From a surgical standpoint, I am right on track, so much that my surgeon has said that I can be done with him unless there is an issue that requires his assistance! That leaves me with my Primary, Urologist, and Pain Doc. The bladder issues are resolving. I am weaning off of the smooth muscle relaxer and so far, so good! My body is adjusting well! The illioinguinal neurolgia issue is NO fun. The nerve block has worn off leaving me in more pain than I was prior. . . UGH! So, I return next Tuesday for another nerve block. . .
Emotionally. . .
I am still a mess, although it has calmed down somewhat. My doc thinks that my remaining ovary is adjusting to making enough hormones. He also added that, I need to mourn. A big part of me left. . . Although a uterus does not define you as a woman or a mother, it is a part of you. Without it, you lose the gift of your fertility and I can not think of any female that did not dream of being a mother one day. . . Do not get me wrong, I am absolutely beyond grateful for the incredible gift that I have been given with my 3. I am surrounded by people that have lost babies at all stages of pregnancy, from the the first few weeks all the way to 30+ weeks. People that can not get pregnant. People with great struggles with this incredible gift. So in absolutely no way am I ungrateful, I am just mourning. I am just being human. . .
So, all in all, this past 2 months have not been what I expected. Had you told me 2 months ago what would happen in the 61 days that followed, I would not have believed you. . . From the week long hospital stay to the blood transfusion to the urologist to the nerve blocks. . . Part of me wants to go back and undo all of it, to have my womb back along with everything it brought with it. But then a bigger part of me want to see the WHY behind all of this. . .
Sunday, May 1
1 Year?!?!?!?
I have ready in MANY places that this surgery will take up to 1 year to recover from! The majority of restrictions will be lifted at 6-8 weeks. Then you will be about 75% recovered by 6 months, with the remaining 25% be mostly fatigue. Then by 1 year, you should be 100%. . .
How come when you hear about a hysterectomy, all you hear about is the initial 6-8 weeks?!?! I would have felt MUCH better about this hysterectomy had I known the up to 1 year part!
How come when you hear about a hysterectomy, all you hear about is the initial 6-8 weeks?!?! I would have felt MUCH better about this hysterectomy had I known the up to 1 year part!
Well. . .
Well, the nerve blocked worked. Notice the past tense? I am back in a lot of pain. . .
Friday, I felt the best I have since the surgery and as a result, I overdid it. Totally overdid it. (My kiddos had their first ever camp out, so I put the tent up in the backyard. It was not hard to assemble, but hindsight is always 20/20 and I so deaperately want to be able to do everything that I once was. . . )So, I was not surprised when I was hurting a good bit Friday evening and then again Saturday and Sunday all day. Well, here we are Sunday evening, and I am hurting WORSE today then I was then, and it is the same pain. . .
I guess that the good news/bad news is that I know what the pain is. I know how to get relief, I just do not know how to keep the relief. I return to my pain doctor in a week, and I will address this with him at that point, as well as the left illioinguinal nerve area. . .
I am very grateful that I had nearly 96 hours of relief. The relief showed me what it is like to be human again. What it is like to feel like a wife and mother without laying on the couch under my heating pad like I have done for 8 weeks now. . . I actually really got dressed everyday, and not just in sweats! I feel that this will be a week of "bum" clothes and rest, and I am somewhat okay with that now. I know that there is light at the end of this tunnel although I am having trouble seeing it again right now. . .
Friday, I felt the best I have since the surgery and as a result, I overdid it. Totally overdid it. (My kiddos had their first ever camp out, so I put the tent up in the backyard. It was not hard to assemble, but hindsight is always 20/20 and I so deaperately want to be able to do everything that I once was. . . )So, I was not surprised when I was hurting a good bit Friday evening and then again Saturday and Sunday all day. Well, here we are Sunday evening, and I am hurting WORSE today then I was then, and it is the same pain. . .
I guess that the good news/bad news is that I know what the pain is. I know how to get relief, I just do not know how to keep the relief. I return to my pain doctor in a week, and I will address this with him at that point, as well as the left illioinguinal nerve area. . .
I am very grateful that I had nearly 96 hours of relief. The relief showed me what it is like to be human again. What it is like to feel like a wife and mother without laying on the couch under my heating pad like I have done for 8 weeks now. . . I actually really got dressed everyday, and not just in sweats! I feel that this will be a week of "bum" clothes and rest, and I am somewhat okay with that now. I know that there is light at the end of this tunnel although I am having trouble seeing it again right now. . .
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