I happened to look at things tonight and realized I have not updated since March 3, 2012 - the 1yr mark of the surgery...
Since then, a lot has happened...
(1) I am more at peace with my body. Knowing I will never have another baby stinks, but it is not the end of the world. My older sister just gave birth to their first 2.5mths ago. I was sad because I always wanted to be pregnant with my sisters (my plan, NOT His), but that was it. The rest was pure joy!
(2) The pain is still present. I have been to doctors, had nerve blocks, tried nerve meds, etc, all to no avail. Recently, I visited with many specialists and sub-specialists at Mayo Clinic here in Jacksonville. All agreed that my pain is a direct result of the hernia repair and some trauma during the hysterectomy.
(3) I have been able to help many other young people who needed to go through this. With that, I have made many friends and felt like I was able to help and support them from a young persons point of view.
(4) I never realized that your uterus supports your lower internal organs. Without it, you can develop different 'celes.' I have a grade 2 cystocele and a grade 3 rectocele. These can be corrected through surgery, but until I can't take it anymore, I will make the most of it and live with it!
(5) My husband and kiddos are incredible. There have been hard times over these past 3 years, but we have always been there for me. I could not ask for anything better!
This is about it. Issues still remain, but I am constantly reminded it is His plan and not mine!
Monday, March 3
Friday, March 30
Really?!
Okay, so I have been having some issues lately that I *did* notice before the hysterectomy, but since then, they have become worse. They are embarrassing, so I have said nothing to anybody until now.....
I called my primary after an appointment with my pain doc on Tuesday. I was so very frustrated because instead of treating/fixing the nerve, they want to drug me... something that I am not open to. He told me to come in, but while we were emailing, I mentioned this worsening issue to see what he thought and he wanted me to come in asap. Well, I did today and as I now have a referral to a new doc......
So, soon, I will be seeing a urogynecologist for a cystocele. To say that I am frustrated is an understatement. And then, there is the frustration of why was I not warned of this possibility PRIOR to the hysterectomy? I will go see this doctor and listen to what he has to say and we will go from there. I am still praying that surgery is not something that I need......
I called my primary after an appointment with my pain doc on Tuesday. I was so very frustrated because instead of treating/fixing the nerve, they want to drug me... something that I am not open to. He told me to come in, but while we were emailing, I mentioned this worsening issue to see what he thought and he wanted me to come in asap. Well, I did today and as I now have a referral to a new doc......
So, soon, I will be seeing a urogynecologist for a cystocele. To say that I am frustrated is an understatement. And then, there is the frustration of why was I not warned of this possibility PRIOR to the hysterectomy? I will go see this doctor and listen to what he has to say and we will go from there. I am still praying that surgery is not something that I need......
Saturday, March 3
1 Year Later
It has taken me quite a while to be 'okay' writing this...
I recall before the surgery having so much anxiety and fear that I would wake up and no longer feel like a woman, instead, I woke crying. Knowing that this was over and done. I remember praying that this surgery would be perfect, that there would be no complications during or after. And then as one night inpatient turned into two, and two into three, and so on, I realized that, once again this was not the case. Then as a few weeks of pain turned into a month, and that turned into 6 months, and that turned into a year, I am realizing that once again, things have not gone as planned. Before this surgery, I swore that I would NOT not return to the OR again. Well, go figure that once again, this was a false reality. And then about 6 months out, I realized that the endometriosis was back and this was confirmed during the surgery in December... So, I think that this one year mark has been hard because when I look back, nothing has gone as planned...
Now, there are many things that I am grateful for. The first being the most obvious about having a hysterectomy. Then, the cramping is minimal now. The cystic ovary is still present, but that is even milder. And there are others that I will not mention on here.... So, while things have not gone as planned, the good far outweighs the bad and I have to often remind myself of this when I am laying in bed from the pain. Or not able to take the kiddos around the block because the thought of putting one foot in front of the other brings tears to my eyes. And the blessing is that I have a great team of doctors on my side trying to figure out what the next step should be....
I have also found many blessings in this. I have been able to help a few other young women who have needed this drastic surgery. Shortly after mine, my aunt needed a hysterectomy and called upon me for questions. And for me, being able to help people have helped me deal with this and cope.
While this past year has been so very different than I imagined, I am grateful. I am trying to hold my head high and trust that God is using me in some unknown way to serve Him through this. . .
I recall before the surgery having so much anxiety and fear that I would wake up and no longer feel like a woman, instead, I woke crying. Knowing that this was over and done. I remember praying that this surgery would be perfect, that there would be no complications during or after. And then as one night inpatient turned into two, and two into three, and so on, I realized that, once again this was not the case. Then as a few weeks of pain turned into a month, and that turned into 6 months, and that turned into a year, I am realizing that once again, things have not gone as planned. Before this surgery, I swore that I would NOT not return to the OR again. Well, go figure that once again, this was a false reality. And then about 6 months out, I realized that the endometriosis was back and this was confirmed during the surgery in December... So, I think that this one year mark has been hard because when I look back, nothing has gone as planned...
Now, there are many things that I am grateful for. The first being the most obvious about having a hysterectomy. Then, the cramping is minimal now. The cystic ovary is still present, but that is even milder. And there are others that I will not mention on here.... So, while things have not gone as planned, the good far outweighs the bad and I have to often remind myself of this when I am laying in bed from the pain. Or not able to take the kiddos around the block because the thought of putting one foot in front of the other brings tears to my eyes. And the blessing is that I have a great team of doctors on my side trying to figure out what the next step should be....
I have also found many blessings in this. I have been able to help a few other young women who have needed this drastic surgery. Shortly after mine, my aunt needed a hysterectomy and called upon me for questions. And for me, being able to help people have helped me deal with this and cope.
While this past year has been so very different than I imagined, I am grateful. I am trying to hold my head high and trust that God is using me in some unknown way to serve Him through this. . .
Friday, January 6
Update:
Here is an update on the most recent surgery. . .
http://therikers03.blogspot.com/2012/01/post-that-i-have-been-avoiding.html
http://therikers03.blogspot.com/2012/01/post-that-i-have-been-avoiding.html
Monday, December 19
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